“Why shouldn’t I hate her? She did the worst thing to me that anyone can do to anyone else. Let them believe that they’re loved and wanted and then show them that it’s all a sham.”
― Agatha Christie,
True indeed…when betrayal is the experience and the answer, it would be reason for bitterness…anger…and all those were indeed experienced along the awakening way…yet..the unconditional truth is this…long ago was accepted the betrayal…while dreaming of “what could be”…and allowing the betrayal to sting…but not deter my trying to be the reflection of love …..to be seen through my face as a mirror…MY LIGHT….
We can age but a mature observation…..well…takes time…being pecked to death has repercussions…..
This time..I walked away…I shut the door…..with love….and in that moment…the cords were finally released…this was me…unconditionally allowing myself to love but allow harm to me…..no longer…..
I kept that wound open within myself…with HOPE…of an outcome…that was to never be…
When we truly are aware of the “never will be” and accept that…without ONE PERSON in the story…just simply the desired outcome…everything becomes so clear…it bursts all illusions….gently….bittersweet with no more “what could have beens”…
At 62 years on this Earth…I am grateful to have found this moment of peace and completeness….with a matured heart and mind…. its so very hard to lose a parent while they are still living…..its unnatural…or maybe its the most natural outcome indeed….
Be well Mom……………..Giving and Receiving are one…I love you…..
“Only yesterday I was no different than them, yet I was saved. I am explaining to you the way of life of a people who say every sort of wicked thing about me because I sacrificed their friendship to gain my own soul. I left the dark paths of their duplicity and turned my eyes toward the light where there is salvation, truth, and justice. They have exiled me now from their society, yet I am content. Mankind only exiles the one whose large spirit rebels against injustice and tyranny. He who does not prefer exile to servility is not free in the true and necessary sense of freedom.”
― Kahlil Gibran
Old behaviors easily re-emerge as new guises—they are such great actors. What seemed a solution withers into yet another variation on a theme.
So it is with this morning. I could call it a setback or reversal but any qualitative label is just that.
What it feels like–from the gut–is a new life lens, another way to experience being human. With the new lens comes perspective, one which has its own revelations.
What I discover is yet another facet of fear. There seems to be no shortage of its disguises, either, especially its delusion of safety.
Of course, just being alive is a risk, as I am reminded by the spider that lives inside my front door. Of sorts, we are in relationship, as much as either one of us has noticed.
May I remember the spider the next time I give into fear. Her risk is considerable compared to…
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The alignments are so powerful…I am immensely grateful for Denise and her sharing…